Think Of Me
by BuildingAnEmpire
Summary: Abby's POV, then Carter's POV around Season 9
1. Think Of Me

You'll Think of Me

Category: Abby

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Season 10

Distribution: Sure, ask me first though please

Disclaimer: I own nothing, sucks 

Summary: Abby's POV

***********

Abby Lockhart leaned over the toilet as the contents of her night spilled into the water. Heaving, she cursed herself for slipping, and mostly for letting him be the one to make her slip. As she washed her face and flushed, she remembered her best friend. The one she thought would always be there for her, but just like everyone else in her life, where was he now? With his new best friend...and their new memories. _That's okay_, Abby thought, desperate for changing, as she grabbed the bottle of wine and curled up under her sheets, _I can get a new best friend. Yeah. I'll be okay. _She was mentally and physically exhausted. Exhausted from hiding her feelings, exhausted from work, exhausted from the every day life that went on around her, when hers felt like she was on a tilt-o-whirl. Abby closed her eyes, trying hard to block out the images of the day that would forever be burnt in her mind. She drifted off to sleep, tears still cascading down her red face.

Sirens blared down the street, stirring Abby from her sleep. She glanced sleepily at the clock, _4 am, _she groaned, _I'll never sleep at this rate. _The moon shone brightly on her comforter, causing the room to be visible in the darkness of the night. Glancing around the room, she spooted pants hanging out of the hamper. His pants. Emotions stirred in Abby. Anger won, it usually did with her, especially lately. She picked up the wine bottle that lay next to her, looking at it, she got angrier. With him, with herself, with everything. Before she knew what she was doing, the bottle was flying out of her tight grasp. Abby winced when the it hit the wall and shattered, red wine dripped down the wall, dying everything it touched. Tears forced their way out of Abbys eyes, and she lay there for a moment before crawling out of her safe haven. Paddling out into the kitchen, she grabbed a paper and pen and sat down, thinking. 

__

I woke up early this morning, around 4 am

With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate. 

I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep, 

But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake.

Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms,

I've been trying my best to get along, but that's okay,

There's nothing left to say, but...

Abby looked around her apartment. It was dark and cold, and suddenly she felt alone. More alone then she'd ever felt before. She looked down at her paper, the moon was the only thing that enabled her to see the words she had written to him. She read them over, a few times, for good measure. 

__

Take your records, take your freedom,

Take your memories, I don't need them.

Take your space, and take your reasons,

But you'll think of me.

Take your cat, and leave my sweater,

Cause we have nothing left to weather.

In fact, I feel a whole lot better,

But you'll think of me. You'll think of me.

Memories filled her mind, memories of them, memories she wished would go away. Memories of work, memories of them together, memories of things that broke her heart to think about. Abby shook her head. She couldn't stop thinking about their time together, or him. _It's over now Abby_, she tried to convince herself, _all those years, didn't really mean anything. _The front door cracked as it opened, Abby jumped. _What the..? _**"Hello?" **Then she saw him, her eyes widdened. He looked sad. **"Is it really you?"**

**"Abby. I need you." **She hesitantly walked towards him. He grabbed her, holding her close to him, looking into her eyes. Her voice caught in her throat, holding her breath, starving for truth, she wondered if he would say anything. He leaned his head down, capturing her lips with his own. She sunk into him, waiting for this moment ever since he left. The kiss ended, she reached out to touch his chest. When she felt nothing, she opened her eyes. Gone. Abby stood there, looking at the closed door. It had been so real, so right, so tender, so everything she wanted, needed. So...not real. She looked back at the note she had been writing, and then slipped her shoes on. Her hand trembled and tears fell down her face as she grabbed her coat and opened the door. Abby gasped as the cold wind hit her face when she reached the outside. She was running, not knowing where to go, but the most familiar route to her seemed to be the answer as she stepped onto the El train.

__

I went out driving trying to clear my head, 

I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left.

I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this...

And all the baggage that seems to still exist.

It seems that the only blessing I have left to my name,

Is not knowing what we could have been,

What we should have been. 

Abby stepped off the train and walked a few feet. County. She wasn't scheduled today, and didn't know if he was either. But she didn't want to find out, she didn't want to see him, or talk to him. Not yet anyway. Looking through the glass she saw the commotion, the fast-paced ER, triage, patients, doctors, nurses. She saw Luka. He was standing there, talking to the new nurse, Sam. She could tell that he loved her. Not like he had loved her or all the others. Real love. And he loved her son too. They seemed happy together. When he laughed, his head turned, looking directly at Abby. Abby looked down, and when she looked back up, he gave her a small smile. She felt the tears come, and she turned, she didn't want him to see her cry, or anyone else, she left, completely incomplete.

__

Someday I'm gunna run across your mind, 

But don't worry I'll be fine. 

I'm gunna be alright.

While you're sleeping with your pride,

Wishing I could hold you tight,

I'll be over you, and on with my life.

Abby closed the door, the song playing on the radio reminded her of him, she slid down the length of the door, where she cried. _There is nothing else to lose, _she thought as she sat huddled by the door. _There is nothing else to find, there is nothing in this world that could change my mind. There is nothing else. _ She wipped her tears away as she stood, walking over to the letter she had left on the table. Abby read it over again.

**__**

"And take your cat and leave my sweater, 

Cause we got nothing left to weather. 

In fact, I feel a whole lot better, but you'll think of me. 

You'll think of me. 

And your gunna think of me, someday, baby, someday."

**"Someday" **She said quietly as she read the last word over again. Wipping a lone tear off her cheek, Abby put the letter into an envelope, addressing it. Then she waited, waited for the mailman, waited for the tears to stop, waited to let go of all she'd held on to, waited for a absolution that would never come. The mailman came though, and she handed him the letter. **"Could you get this to County General please?"**. Abby knew he had noticed her red puffy eyes by the way he was looking at her. He took the letter, looking down at the address, _Dr Carter_.

**"Sure Miss"** He gave her a small smile, filled with as much sympathy as he could offer. And then he walked away. Abby stood there, hanging by a moment.


	2. Paint Me

Paint Me

Characters: Carter

Rating: PG

Summary: Carter's POV

***************

__

He was sitting there, his brush in hand

Painting waves as they danced upon the sand

With every stroke, he brought to life

The deep blue of the ocean against the morning light

I asked him if he only painted ocean scenes

He said for 20 dollars I'll paint you anything

He sat atop the rock wall as he watched the waves crash upon the sand. The waves tumbled as the moon glinted off of their curves. Carter listened to the sound it made as the salt water hit the sand. _Serene_, he thought, _just what I need_. He took the black box out of his pocket. As he opened the box, the moon glinted off the ring, making it almost glow. The ring he almost gave Abby. The one that would have tied them together forever. _If only... _he thought. _If only what? If only it would have worked out? No. That wasn't right. There was no reason it didn't work out. I left. I went and I left her here. Without anything. And then the letter. Dear Abby... _Carter sighed as he closed the box. _Was he really going to ask Kem to marry him? With Abby's ring?_ Carter's head jerked up. _Abby's ring? _He put the box back in his pocket. _Abby's ring. It would always be her ring, _he thought. Even if it wasn't on her finger.

__

Could you paint me a Birmingham

Make it look just the way I planned

A little house on the edge of town

Porch going all the way around

Put her there in the front yard swing

Cotton dress, make it, early spring

For a while she'll be mine again

If you could paint me a Birmingham

Carter looked into the ocean. Smiling, he remembered the day she took her clothes off and ran in, encouraging him to follow. She had looked so beautiful, and it had been one of the few times that she was really happy. She always looked beautiful, she still did. He looked up in the sky, the stars looked like her eyes. Her eyes. He loved them most out of all her features. The way they twinkled when they made love. The way he could tell her mood in them. The way he melted when he looked into their chocolate brown pools. Grinning at the thought, Carter shook his head. Did he really love Kem as much as he loved Abby?

__

He looked at me, with knowing eyes

And took a canvas from a bag there by his side

Picked up a brush and said to me

Son just where in this picture would you like to be?

And I said if there's anyway you can

Could you paint me back into her arms again?

Carter pulled her letter out of his wallet. He had kept it there for two weeks now, ever since he got it. He wondered if this was her way of saying good-bye to him. Or if she was just letting him know that she wasn't going to let him break her heart anymore. One thing he knew, she still thought about him. Which was good, he guessed. He knew he still thought about her. All the time. She was in his dreams every night, in his head every day. He had wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to tell her that he was still in love with the way she smiled. In love with the way she put her hair behind her ears when she didn't know what to say. How she cleared her throat when she was nervous. The way she smelled, the way she laughed, the way she loved. 

__

Could you paint me a Birmingham

Make it look just the way I planned

A little house on the edge of town

Porch going all the way around

Put her there in the front yard swing

Cotton dress, make it, early spring

For a while she'll be mine again

If you could paint me a Birmingham

The letter had changed everything. He didn't know where he stood with her anymore. Jumping off of the rock wall, he started to walk along the shore, letting the sand sift through his bare toes. _I love Kem more_. A pang of hurt went through his heart when he realized that wasn't true. He thought about the times he had spent with Kem. He touched the bracelet she had given him for Christmas._ It was nice to have her living in his house with him_, he reasoned. _Until she goes back. And then what? Will I go with her? Will she just stay? Am I really willing to make sacrifices to be with her?_ His mind drifted back to Abby, it usually did. _Will I be able to leave Abby? _He knew the answer to that. _No. _He could never leave Abby forever. 

__

Paint me a Birmingham

Make it look just the way I planned

A little house on the edge of town

Porch going all the way around

Put her there in the front yard swing

Cotton dress, make it, early spring

For a while she'll be mine again

If you could paint me a Birmingham

Oh paint me a Birmingham

And then he realized it. That he, John Truman Carter, was totally and utterly infatuated and in love with Abigail Lockhart. 

Forever, that's the whole point. 


End file.
